i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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