The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize