There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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