lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
