You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't turn off my feet"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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