You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
