I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
