I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
