Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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