It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
