dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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