I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
