The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
