first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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