I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
