Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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