forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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