just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sorry my hands just texted you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
