It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
