I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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