so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
