woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize