i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Still dying that you shit outside
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
