Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
