btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
