i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
