I wish you could order shots online.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
