is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
