I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
