Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
