doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
