I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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