dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
