hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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