awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
