Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
