he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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