I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
