If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
