He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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