Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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