I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
