I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
