I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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