She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
