bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize