dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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