Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
