I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
