What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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