so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
