Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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