I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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