And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm really busy with my period
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