I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
