We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
