Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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