he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
