No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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