he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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