it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
