Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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