hell yes lets make some ravioli
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
