Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
