two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
