Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I stole a fireplace last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
