you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
