i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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