I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
