Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize