Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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